I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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