in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
