this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
