I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
