...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
