wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
