i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
