I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My ATM looks so different sober.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
