i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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