I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
