It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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