Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
