This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
