Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
