Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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