He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
