hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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