Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
