no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
