There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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