dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You pole danced in your parka.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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