you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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