u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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