ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
