somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
