She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
