So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
