her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
