He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
