shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
