At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
