Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Come on in and take your pants off
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