it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
