I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
