And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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