i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
