there was a trapeze. enough said
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
