when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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