guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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