there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
