Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
