I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
