My sheets look like a crime scene.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
