so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
