Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
