It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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