I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
