He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
