She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
