I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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