so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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