walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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