just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
