either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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